bellsouth residental

"Bart Simpson, where is your homework?" bellowed the teacher, her voice shaking the earth. She hit a wooden table with a stick she was holding. Snap. The stick broke in half. "I havenapos;t seen your assignments for a month now. Youapos;d better have a good excuse for this."

"I...I..."

"ANSWER ME"

Wow. Thereapos;s steam rushing out of her ears. "My dog ate my homework, maapos;am," he replied with confidence.

The teacherapos;s furious frown turned into an emotionless smile. "Your dog? Ate your homework..."

Bart nodded enthusiastically.

She inhaled deeply, then sighed. "Very well... Class dismissed. Mr.Simpson, Iapos;m going to call your father. Make sure youapos;re waiting for me in my office in 20 minutes."

"Yes, maapos;am."

*************************

"Um...is there anything wrong? Has he been playing with those ducks again?" Homer walked into the room combing the 3 hairs on his head.

The teacher shook her head. "No, no, Mr.Simpson. Let me explain. Please have a seat."

Wearing a curious expression on his face, Homer fell into a chair next to Bart, who looked back at him and shrugged.

She leaned over across the table. "Your son told me his dog ate his homework."

Homer raised an eyebrow. "Well...? Whatapos;s so funny about that?"

The teacher rolled her eyes. "Itapos;s not funny, Simpson. Your son lied to me." Seeing that he wasnapos;t getting anything, she carried on. "Donapos;t you see? Homework, a notebook, is made from wood, which is part of plants. Itapos;s not logical to say that oneapos;s dog ate oneapos;s homework, because a dog is a carnivore. Carnivores eat meat, not plants."

"Um...excuse me?" Bart raised a hand.

"Yes, Bart?" the teacher asked sweetly through gritted teeth.

"I assure you, itapos;s true."

Homer coughed. "Well, Ms.Whatever-Your-Name-Is, Iapos;d like to tell you that naturally and logically, what Bart said was a lie."

"But, Dadmdash;"

"mdash;However, technically and parentally, my son was telling the truth."

The teacherapos;s eyebrows tied themselves into a knot. "Excuse me?"

"It was I who forced the dog to eat his homework."

*************************

"Dad, you shouldnapos;t have done that Momapos;ll kill you" Bart trotted along next to his father, slowed down by the weight of his backpack containing things from his locker.

His dad smiled down at him. "Son, Iapos;m sure she wonapos;t. Weapos;ve talked already, and we canapos;t think of any good reasons why we should continue to send you to school. You get too much homework, and you canapos;t give us enough time like you used to. We can sure homeschool you ourselves, no problem with that, but we just canapos;t stand having you taken away from us because of a bunch of homework that doesnapos;t actually benefit you."

"Wow," Bart gasped. "Dad, Iapos;m proud of you."

"Donapos;t mention it, son," Homer smiled.

"That was the longest speech and most complicated sentence youapos;ve ever said"

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